Abortion...

So the other morning I was driving on Community Drive by North Shore LIJ with my friend when we spotted two older men protesting abortion. One man had on a sign with pictures of what I think was fetuses at different stages. There was also writing but I couldn't see what it said because I was driving, obviously it was something condemning abortion. Anyway, my friend Nicole said something I found interesting. She said she thought it was funny that two MEN were protesting against abortion, when they would NEVER truly understand how it could feel to be pregnant. Yes, they are men and they could get a female pregnant, but they themselves would never have to worry about being physically pregnant.

My views on abortion are conflicted: I personally would never have one because I don't think I could live with the guilt, but I don't judge females who do - I believe everything is situational. I don't know you or your life. Furthermore, I'm not God - who am I to judge you? But then again I do believe people should own up to their actions. So for me the subject of abortion is torn, but seeing those two men had me thinking about how difficult it is to debate about such a sensitive topic when you personally have never been put through it. For instance, would my stance change if I had ever been put through that situation? What about rape victims? Also, while people do have the right to be passionate about their pro-life views is yelling at women outside a hospital truly the best way to express their opinions? And also, where were the women? Why two old guys instead?

"Still amused by prank phone calls"

This has been a concern of mine for quite some time now: am I honestly mature enough to be a high school teacher? Ever since I decided to become a teacher, it's a thought that has been in the back of my mind. Now that I am preparing to student teach at Floral Park Memorial, I'm kind of nervous that the answer is no. This fear was confirmed when an 11th grader I was observing there told me to watch my language. I mean I didn't say it to him, and all I said was "hell", and I know he was teasing me, but still... not good foreshadowing huh?

I think I'm having too much of a problem letting go of my teenage years, which is pretty sad. Observing at FPM made me realize how much I miss high school, how much I miss being a kid: an obnoxious, rebellious, silly, care free, and reckless kid. When it hit me that I would be student teaching at FPM by next semester, I realized a terrible problem of mine - I still act like a kid.  And no, I don't mean this in a positive way. I don't mean this in a "forever young" or "young at heart" type of way. You know that song "What's My Age Again?" by Blink 182? Yeah, I mean it in kind of that way. I mean it in the "that's what she said", "your mom", blasting Eminem and rapping along, doing drive-bys with water guns, and drinking in public kind of way. I mean it in the stupid and irresponsible kind of way. Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me, it's like I'm not over high school - I'm in denial of growing up. Being an "adult" in the "real world" is not only scary, but ultimately it seems boring. So there I admitted it, not only am I a baby but I'm immature. 

However I have grown up in some ways. In high school I was a master slacker, but I eventually learned to value my education. I still procrastinate like there's no tomorrow, but I actually do my work and put effort into it. I'm no longer a 16 year old girl who's scared of looking like a nerd, or dork, or geek - in fact now I wish I was one. For the last few years I've been slacking on my slacking, I mean if I hadn't I wouldn't be in grad school right?  I just worry that my sense of humor, things that amuse me, and my interests aren't as profound as they should be you know? Sadly and embarrassingly I don't follow politics or really pay attention to the news, but I can tell you how many times Ronnie and Sam broke up this week on Jersey Shore or what outfit Lady GaGa wore to the VMAs. My sense of humor is crude and inappropriate things make me laugh... a lot.   

So how do you act 22 going on 23 anyway? And how do you do it while still having fun? More importantly, how do I go into a classroom of students and expect them to respect me as an adult and an authority if I can't act like one? How can I get them to take me seriously as an educator? How can I motive them to be responsible and prepare them for the "real world", when I myself am still adjusting to the "real world"?

"I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean..."

      This the first time I have ever blogged. Even on social networks like Facebook or Myspace, I have never been one to post many statuses or share many of my thoughts. I have never even kept a journal unless forced to for a class. However I'm excited to start this blog and record my ideas because I believe it will be a great way for me to reflect on my words, thoughts, beliefs, and ultimately myself. Even as an English major I know that I, along with many others, seem to overlook and underestimate the strength of our words. Whether written or spoken, we often forget to consider how our words can impact not only ourselves, but also those around us. We seldom take the time to truly and fully understand our own words; how we use them, why we use them, and what they imply. Yet the power behind words is quite amazing. Depending on what is said and how it is said, one can use words to inspire or dissuade, to hurt or to heal, to create or destruct. Hopefully blogging will be a good learning experience because it will give me the opportunity to truly think about my what my words really mean to me and to others.

      Through this blog I hope to be able to reflect on my own writing and therefore strengthen and develop my own voice. It is important for us as students and future teachers to explore and discover our voices so that we can eventually share them with the world. Blogging is also a great way to practice clearly and effectively expressing my voice. As a future teacher I hope to someday show my students the necessity of voice and its value to humanity. While helping students develop their voice, it is important for them to understand that it is their right to be heard - all voices deserve to be heard. 

      We should be sympathetic to any differences in voices, perspectives, opinions, and ideas. We must learn to find the beauty and new knowledge in viewpoints different from our own. And while some people find comfort in words, others may choose to express their voice through different yet still valuable mediums. Whether it be art, photography, music, dance, or theater, every human being has something worthwhile to "say" and contribute to this chaotic mess we call life. If we are hesitant to share our voices and too ignorant to listen to the voices of others, we put ourselves in danger of missing out on the chance to expand our minds and truly experience life.