Tired and anxious...

I'm tired of school and sick of Adelphi. I just want to get into a classroom and experience teaching already. I'm sick of the theoretical bullshit we read about and discuss in class, because it is THEORETICAL. And thanks to the awesome STEP program all I have learned is based on textbooks and class discussions. I mean it took four years for me to observe a real classroom, like really? And now it's not until my last semester of my Masters degree that I'll get a little taste of student teaching! What if I'm horrible at it? What if I'm not cut out for it? I'm a very hands on learner, and after semester of semester of TALKING about being in a high school classroom I just want to spend some real time in one already!

Well that's pretty much all I have to say for now, I don't really know what to talk about on this thing... I'm not in the mood for blogging right now, or ever really. Sorry.

Revised Critial Lens

Duff Brenna argued that “All literature shows us the power of emotion. It is emotion, not reason, that motivates characters in literature.” In other words one of the main purposes of literature is to prove how emotion ultimately dictates human behavior.  Through literary devices authors are able to create stories which realistically portray the true, motivating power of emotion over reason and intellect. This can be shown to be true in the novels The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien and The Great Gatsby by Scott Fitzgerald.

For example in The Things They Carried  many of the soldiers, like the character Tim O’Brien, did not find any reason to participate in the war, they were motivated to fight in the war by their overbearing feelings of fear and shame. The author uses symbolism, metaphor, and repetition in order to invoke within readers how emotionally burdened the soldiers felt throughout the novel. The soldiers carry weapons, equipment, and rations, all of which the readers are given the physical weight of in order to clearly understand how literally heavy and burdening carrying these items around were. These items are metaphoric for the heavy and burdening emotions and feelings the soldiers were also forced to carry with them, such as guilt, fear, and shame, as a result of the war. O’Brien uses repetition when listing the different literal and figurative things the soldiers were forced to carry in order to emphasize how consuming and inescapable these feelings of guilt, fear, and shame were for the soldiers. Like the repetition of the list of things the soldiers carried, the burdening emotions they felt seemed endless and forever oncoming.

Likewise in The Great Gatsby Scott Fitzgerald accurately portrays how desire and longing for love and happiness is more motivating than logic and reason.  Fitzgerald uses symbolism and characterization to convey how self-destructing and powerful human desire, love, and naivety can be. Fitzgerald creates an overly-romantic, perpetually hopeful, and naively driven protagonist through the character of Jay Gatsby. Jay Gatsby has turned himself from the poor, lower-class James Gatz, into the well-known and wealthy Jay Gatsby, all in order to win back his true love Daisy. What is striking about Gatsby is his extreme idealism in the romantic notion that he can repeat the past, win back Daisy’s love, and be truly happy. He believes through hard work and success, anything is possible yet, like the narrator Nick Carraway and readers both realize, Gatsby is chasing a dream that does not and never could exist.

In both The Things They Carried and The Great Gatsby, the authors convey the power of emotion through main themes. The Things They Carried has an ongoing theme of courage and cowardice, in which O’Brien uses irony to show the true nature of cowardice and the hypocrisy of society’s idea of courage.  In many instances, characters in The Things They Carried do things that seem to be courageous not because they are brave or honorable, but because they are afraid of appearing as cowards. This fear of shame and appearing cowardly, instead of bravery and valor, is what motivates the soldiers in many of their actions. In The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald uses the theme of the American Dream and the inevitable failure one will meet in chasing it. Gatsby’s hopeless chase of his delusional dream of love and happiness with Daisy is representative of the American Dream; it accurately mirrors how Americans naively think wealth and status will bring them true happiness. Through this notion, Fitzgerald perfectly portrays how it is human nature to override reason with emotion and desire.

As Duff Brenna once said, “All literature shows us the power of emotion. It is emotion, not reason, that motivates characters in literature”. This is proven true through the use of symbolism, metaphor, repetition, characterization, and theme in the novels The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien and The Great Gatsby by Scott Fitzgerald. Through these literary devices, Tim O’Brien conveys how fear and shame can be more motivating than reason and morality. Fitzgerald uses these devices to create a novel that represents how truly vulnerable human nature is to emotion, and how desire for love and happiness can be more motivating than logic and reasoning.   

Critical Lenses Essay - Five Paragraph Essay

Duff Brenna argued that “All literature shows us the power of emotion. It is emotion, not reason, that motivates characters in literature”. In other words one of the main purposes of literature is to prove how emotion ultimately dictates human behavior. Through literary devices authors are able to create stories which realistically portray the true, motivating power of emotion over reason and intellect. This can be shown to be true in the novels The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien and The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

In The Things They Carried, Tim O’Brien uses symbolism, metaphor, and repetition in order to invoke within readers how emotionally burdened the soldiers felt throughout the novel. The soldiers carry weapons, equipment, and rations - all of which the readers are given the physical weight of in order to clearly understand how literally heavy carrying these items around were. These items are metaphoric for the heavy  emotions and feelings the soldiers were also forced to carry with them, such as guilt, fear, and shame, as a result of the war. O’Brien uses repetition when listing the different literal and figurative things the soldiers were forced to carry in order to emphasize how consuming and inescapable these feelings of guilt, fear, and shame were. Like the repetition of the list of things the soldiers carried, the burdening emotions they felt seemed endless and forever oncoming. While many of the soldiers (like the character Tim O’Brien) did not find any reason to participate in the war, they were motivated to fight in the war by their overbearing feelings of fear and shame.

In the novel The Great Gatsby, Scott Fitzgerald uses symbolism and characterization to convey how self-destructing and powerful human desire, love, and naivety can be. Fitzgerald creates an overly-romantic, perpetually hopeful, and naively driven protagonist through the character of Jay Gatsby. Jay Gatsby has turned himself from the poor, lower-class James Gatz into the well-known and wealthy Jay Gatsby in order to win back his true love Daisy. What is striking about Gatsby is his extreme idealism in the romantic notion that he can repeat the past, win back Daisy’s love, and be truly happy. He believes through hard work and success anything is possible. Yet, like the narrator Nick Carraway and readers both realize, Gatsby is chasing a dream that does not, and never could exist. Through Gatsby Fitzgerald accurately portrays how desire and longing for love and happiness is more motivating than logic and reason.

In both The Things They Carried and The Great Gatsby, the authors convey the power of emotion through main themes. The Things They Carried has an ongoing theme of courage and cowardice, in which O’Brien uses irony to show the true nature of cowardice and the hypocrisy of society’s idea of courage.  In many instances, characters in The Things They Carried do things that seem to be courageous not because they are brave or honorable, but because they are afraid of appearing as cowards. This fear of shame and appearing cowardly, instead of bravery and valor, is what motivates the soldiers in many of their actions. In The Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald uses the theme of the American Dream and the inevitable failure one will meet in chasing it. Gatsby’s hopeless chase of his delusional dream of love and happiness with Daisy is representative of the American Dream; it accurately mirrors how Americans naively think wealth and status will bring them true happiness. Through this notion, Fitzgerald perfectly portrays how it is human nature to override reason with emotion and desire.

As Duff Brenna once said, “All literature shows us the power of emotion. It is emotion, not reason, that motivates characters in literature”. This is proven true through the use of symbolism, metaphor, repetition, characterization, and theme in the novels The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien and The Great Gatsby by Scott Fitzgerald. Through these literary devices Tim O’Brien conveys how fear and shame can be more motivating than reason and morality. Fitzgerald uses these devices to create a novel that represents how truly vulnerable human nature is to emotion, and how desire for love and happiness can be more motivating than logic and reasoning.   

Abortion...

So the other morning I was driving on Community Drive by North Shore LIJ with my friend when we spotted two older men protesting abortion. One man had on a sign with pictures of what I think was fetuses at different stages. There was also writing but I couldn't see what it said because I was driving, obviously it was something condemning abortion. Anyway, my friend Nicole said something I found interesting. She said she thought it was funny that two MEN were protesting against abortion, when they would NEVER truly understand how it could feel to be pregnant. Yes, they are men and they could get a female pregnant, but they themselves would never have to worry about being physically pregnant.

My views on abortion are conflicted: I personally would never have one because I don't think I could live with the guilt, but I don't judge females who do - I believe everything is situational. I don't know you or your life. Furthermore, I'm not God - who am I to judge you? But then again I do believe people should own up to their actions. So for me the subject of abortion is torn, but seeing those two men had me thinking about how difficult it is to debate about such a sensitive topic when you personally have never been put through it. For instance, would my stance change if I had ever been put through that situation? What about rape victims? Also, while people do have the right to be passionate about their pro-life views is yelling at women outside a hospital truly the best way to express their opinions? And also, where were the women? Why two old guys instead?

"Still amused by prank phone calls"

This has been a concern of mine for quite some time now: am I honestly mature enough to be a high school teacher? Ever since I decided to become a teacher, it's a thought that has been in the back of my mind. Now that I am preparing to student teach at Floral Park Memorial, I'm kind of nervous that the answer is no. This fear was confirmed when an 11th grader I was observing there told me to watch my language. I mean I didn't say it to him, and all I said was "hell", and I know he was teasing me, but still... not good foreshadowing huh?

I think I'm having too much of a problem letting go of my teenage years, which is pretty sad. Observing at FPM made me realize how much I miss high school, how much I miss being a kid: an obnoxious, rebellious, silly, care free, and reckless kid. When it hit me that I would be student teaching at FPM by next semester, I realized a terrible problem of mine - I still act like a kid.  And no, I don't mean this in a positive way. I don't mean this in a "forever young" or "young at heart" type of way. You know that song "What's My Age Again?" by Blink 182? Yeah, I mean it in kind of that way. I mean it in the "that's what she said", "your mom", blasting Eminem and rapping along, doing drive-bys with water guns, and drinking in public kind of way. I mean it in the stupid and irresponsible kind of way. Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me, it's like I'm not over high school - I'm in denial of growing up. Being an "adult" in the "real world" is not only scary, but ultimately it seems boring. So there I admitted it, not only am I a baby but I'm immature. 

However I have grown up in some ways. In high school I was a master slacker, but I eventually learned to value my education. I still procrastinate like there's no tomorrow, but I actually do my work and put effort into it. I'm no longer a 16 year old girl who's scared of looking like a nerd, or dork, or geek - in fact now I wish I was one. For the last few years I've been slacking on my slacking, I mean if I hadn't I wouldn't be in grad school right?  I just worry that my sense of humor, things that amuse me, and my interests aren't as profound as they should be you know? Sadly and embarrassingly I don't follow politics or really pay attention to the news, but I can tell you how many times Ronnie and Sam broke up this week on Jersey Shore or what outfit Lady GaGa wore to the VMAs. My sense of humor is crude and inappropriate things make me laugh... a lot.   

So how do you act 22 going on 23 anyway? And how do you do it while still having fun? More importantly, how do I go into a classroom of students and expect them to respect me as an adult and an authority if I can't act like one? How can I get them to take me seriously as an educator? How can I motive them to be responsible and prepare them for the "real world", when I myself am still adjusting to the "real world"?

"I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean..."

      This the first time I have ever blogged. Even on social networks like Facebook or Myspace, I have never been one to post many statuses or share many of my thoughts. I have never even kept a journal unless forced to for a class. However I'm excited to start this blog and record my ideas because I believe it will be a great way for me to reflect on my words, thoughts, beliefs, and ultimately myself. Even as an English major I know that I, along with many others, seem to overlook and underestimate the strength of our words. Whether written or spoken, we often forget to consider how our words can impact not only ourselves, but also those around us. We seldom take the time to truly and fully understand our own words; how we use them, why we use them, and what they imply. Yet the power behind words is quite amazing. Depending on what is said and how it is said, one can use words to inspire or dissuade, to hurt or to heal, to create or destruct. Hopefully blogging will be a good learning experience because it will give me the opportunity to truly think about my what my words really mean to me and to others.

      Through this blog I hope to be able to reflect on my own writing and therefore strengthen and develop my own voice. It is important for us as students and future teachers to explore and discover our voices so that we can eventually share them with the world. Blogging is also a great way to practice clearly and effectively expressing my voice. As a future teacher I hope to someday show my students the necessity of voice and its value to humanity. While helping students develop their voice, it is important for them to understand that it is their right to be heard - all voices deserve to be heard. 

      We should be sympathetic to any differences in voices, perspectives, opinions, and ideas. We must learn to find the beauty and new knowledge in viewpoints different from our own. And while some people find comfort in words, others may choose to express their voice through different yet still valuable mediums. Whether it be art, photography, music, dance, or theater, every human being has something worthwhile to "say" and contribute to this chaotic mess we call life. If we are hesitant to share our voices and too ignorant to listen to the voices of others, we put ourselves in danger of missing out on the chance to expand our minds and truly experience life.